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katehaney

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05:12 am: Apparently I didn't feel unattractive enough already
(thanks, Universe)

Teddy and I were talking while he was on the toilet last night. (We often have our best conversations when he's on the throne. He likes the company and I like that he's inclined to answer my questions.)

"I'm going to be at your school tomorrow!"
"For book fair?"
"No, I'm your class volunteer."
"I hope Gavin's not there."
"Did you and Gavin have an argument?"
"I have an argument with Gavin."
"Oh? What happened?"
"I don't want to tell you."
"I'd really like for you to tell me."
"I don't want to tell you." (His posture and demeanor were distinctly off.*)
"Did he say something bad about me?"
"Yes."
"If he said something that upset you, I'd like to know what it was. Please tell me."
"I don't want to tell you."
"Please, Teddy."
:uncomfortable wriggle, downcast eyes:
"He said you're fat and ugly."
:gulp:
"What did you say to him?"
"I said you're fat, but not ugly."
"Thank you, sweetheart. Does fat have anything to do with what kind of person someone is?"
"No."
"Does ugly have anything to do with how smart someone is?"
"No."
"Then Gavin's opinion really doesn't mean much, does it?"
"No."
"It hurts my feelings that someone would say something like that about me, but my feelings have been hurt before, and I'm OK. I'm glad you told me."
"OK."

And then we talked about Lego. He seems to have completely forgotten about our conversation. I haven't. I was up in the middle of the night, brooding about it.

I know little kids say all kinds of things. I know I don't share their taste on most things. I know that most of his school friends like me. I'm very happy that Teddy knew that what Gavin said was nasty and knew it would hurt my feelings (empathy! w00t!), and especially that he knew telling me about something that was bothering him was the right thing to do.

I'm even pretty sure I'm not ugly (xanthelasma notwithstanding). But man did that hurt.


* I don't know how else to describe it. I could tell he didn't want to tell me something about me.

Current Location: Longmeadow
Current Mood: sadhurt
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Comments

From:(Anonymous)
Date:October 19th, 2010 12:14 pm (UTC)
(Link)
The good news: What your children's friends think about you becomes of less interest/importance daily, I assure you. Some even later become your friends (even if they don't think of you first in their lists of friends!) And sometimes you don't even know what they did think about you until much later, and sometimes what you find out is a big surprise.

Poor Gavin. His mama hasn't even taught him it's not okay to say mean things about people ESPECIALLY to their children, which is really, really mean. Your mama did a better job, I think!

And Teddy's emerging empathy suggests his mama is, too. :)
YoMaMa
[User Picture]
From:katehaney
Date:October 19th, 2010 03:51 pm (UTC)

Thanks, Mum!

(Link)
For what it's worth, I often get comments in Facebook that tell me how I always had "cool parents." So you're good.

...but I knew that.
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