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katehaney

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11:00 am: 30 Days of Truth: Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for
There are so many things that I brood about... it's hard to pick just one. But this is ostensibly about my life with Teddy, so I'll go for the (many) times I'm a bad parent.

It's not as if I ever try to be a bad parent.* I'm generally trying to be the very best parent I can. But I fail so often. And I'm pretty good (ok, not very good, but better than in other cases) about forgiving myself when I've done badly when I was trying my best.

The times I have more trouble forgiving are when I know I'm being a bad parent, and maybe even how to be better, and I just can't muster the emotional energy to do what I need to do.

Like when I'm yelling because Teddy isn't cooperating, and I can hear the little voice in my head saying "Shut up with the screaming! It's not helping! It's setting a bad example! Take a timeout! Whisper, fer fuck's sake!"

...and I ignore the little voice, because I can't seem to do what it wants (kind of like Teddy, ignoring the big voice yelling at him... hmm... there's a connection to think about).

But knowing that I'm not at my best and knowing how to be better and still doing badly deserves forgiveness too. I think. I just haven't got there yet.

So I'll work on that.


* Except when new Harry Potter books came out. But those days are long past. And I forgave myself quite quickly for taking vacation time to go to HP7, pt 1, instead of, y'know, cleaning or doing cross-stitch for Teddy's Christmas.

Current Location: Longmeadow
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
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Comments

From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 30th, 2010 09:42 pm (UTC)

From Inge

(Link)
Bad parents do not agonize over whether they are being a bad parent. Nor do they every hear the little voice inside!

Cut yourself some slack. If you screw up, vow to learn from it and do better the next time. Remember that you're writing the instruction manual as you go.

Love and hugs,

i
[User Picture]
From:katehaney
Date:November 30th, 2010 09:56 pm (UTC)

Thanks!

(Link)
Very good points, thank you.
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