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katehaney

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12:46 pm: 30 Days of Truth: Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life
I try not to have regrets (what's the point, after all?), but of course I have them anyway.

I wish I hadn't stayed in Florida as long as I did. While I did love my then-fiancé, I was quite blind to how nuts he was (before the head injury; even I couldn't miss it after the head injury). I allowed him to treat me very poorly indeed, especially in not telling his parents we were living together (so I had to move out when they came to visit), but also in paying less than his share of our expenses and creating a lot of unnecessary drama about my relationships with my family.

I'm not sorry I moved there. I'm not sorry I tried living with him. I'm not particularly sorry about some unfortunate decisions I made about jobs and cars and such as a result of living there. Lessons learned, blah blah blah.

But I do wish I hadn't stayed with him quite so long. I was so very romantic about relationships... support him at all costs, hang in there and help, prove that lurve conquers all.

Well, lurve doesn't conquer psychosis. It just doesn't. Especially psychosis that everyone blames on you, er, me. Psychosis that's at least partially pharmaceutically induced and that no one admits is really a problem, except to insist that the one person who says it is a problem (that would be me) is at fault and needs to remove herself from the situation at once.

Yep. Bad idea.

But y'know? If I'd walked out sooner, I would've wondered if I should've hung in. (I think - perhaps the therapy that focused on why I put up with that shiitake for so long would have focused instead on why I didn't need to feel guilty for not putting up with that shiitake anymore.)

Still and all, I wish I hadn't been quite so stalwart.

Current Location: Longmeadow
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[User Picture]
From:krisdance
Date:May 14th, 2011 03:29 am (UTC)
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I have a friend who I think married that guy. Well not really him. I never liked the guy, he seemed strange and unreasonably hot headed. But she married and had 2 kids with him, then he had a couple of head injuries (one in which he and another biker colided and the other guy died, the other was skiing and he ALMOST died). SO it was quite painful to decide to divorce, go through with that and now to try dealing with working out kids issues with him. I won't go into all the details, but there are a lot of nasty ones. I am very glad you didn't have to go through something like that.
[User Picture]
From:katehaney
Date:May 14th, 2011 10:20 pm (UTC)

Thanks, me too.

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In fairness, my ex was not particularly hot-headed, nor was he flamboyantly wacko until after the head injury. He was just odd. Had not achieved appropriate decathect from his family. Boundary issues. Intermittent alcoholic (intermittent because he was in the Navy, so he had to go without alcohol for months at a time).

And he was a cheap fothermucker too. REALLY cheap. Wouldn't throw out empty jars with no lids or boxes full of metal coat hangers cheap. Couples counselor couldn't control laughter at him for being cheap cheap.... cheated his fiancée out of money cheap (a family trait - they cheated each other with fair frequency).

So I'm mighty glad I finally ended it, if rather later than perhaps I ought to have done.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 15th, 2011 01:49 pm (UTC)
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It's downright odd how we rationalize the behavior of those we think we love, isn't it?

YoMaMa
[User Picture]
From:katehaney
Date:May 15th, 2011 05:49 pm (UTC)

it is indeed!

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You're so right.
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