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06:00 am: promises
When I'm depressed or don't feel well or am just feeling morbid, I extract promises from Peter about what he'll do when I die. He hates it when I do that, and tends to mock me (you can imagine how well this goes over with me).

I get vicious menstrual cramps, and the combination of pain and attendant depression makes promise extraction a regular activity. Pain medication and very hot baths often also combine to make me dizzy, so I get morbidity in there too (I'm prone to The Melodrama - a headache is a brain tumor, a twinge is a broken bone, and [Rainman voice] dizziness is definitely a stroke, definitely a stroke, yes, it's a stroke [/Rainman voice]).

I dealt with all of it (depression, illness, etc.) better before I became a mother. My biggest fears these days are something happening to Teddy and something happening to me and therefore my not being around for Teddy. So my deathbed wishes are very focused (though often slurred - ref. pain medication above): promise me you'll get Teddy therapy if I die, promise you'll be nice to him, promise you'll keep my family in his life, promise me you'll raise him in the U.S., promise you'll tell him you listen to Michael Savage because you think he's funny, not because you think he's right.

I'm well aware how ridiculous it all is. But the promises help me stay calm and relaxed, which I'm sure is much better for the giant fibroid in my uterus.*

* No, I don't have a giant fibroid in my uterus. Teddy wouldn't have fit in my uterus with the imaginary giant fibroid in there. I have no fibroids. My uterus is fine, other than trying to eject itself from my body on a monthly basis.

Current Location: Boston
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable


Date:August 13th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)

Poor baby

I've recently discovered Christiane Northrup, Women's bodies... LOVELY. Hope you feel better soon. i
[User Picture]
Date:August 14th, 2008 10:03 am (UTC)

Re: Poor baby

Perhaps the only good thing about cramps is one always feels better soon.

I'll check out Northrup, thanks. :)
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