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08:38 am: letting go gets easier, but not easy (so far)
Every time I drop Teddy off at school (most school days), it gives me a little twinge. His principal is there, a couple of teachers are always there, and the fifth-grade safety patrol are there, but I still twinge.

I know he's safe.

My brain knows. But something in my gut doesn't let go quite so easily. Something just wants to hold on and keep him next to me, where I can personally protect him, where my love will cushion him from careless words, flailing limbs, or whatever debris threatens his well-being.

My heart? Never gonna let go completely. A piece of me is always with him.

I'm better. I don't actually cry any more. I don't even feel like crying, most days. But I still get that little tug that assures me the connection is still there, still strong.

Current Location: Longmeadow
Current Mood: okayokay


Date:February 13th, 2012 11:17 pm (UTC)
I remembered (last week) your practice of rereading sad books when you needed to cry. I don't read quite as fast as you, so a few days ago, I downloaded the top ten sad songs (according to the Globe), because I'm into saving time. One of them was Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." Jeez. Now it's REALLY sad. And so am I. So I'm glad you don't feel like crying when you drop Teddy at school. But if you ever do, I can help.

[User Picture]
Date:February 14th, 2012 01:40 am (UTC)

thank you!

I'll remember that.

I still have sad songs I listen to, sad books I read, and sad movies I watch.

'Cause sometimes I need to cry.
[User Picture]
Date:February 14th, 2012 01:42 am (UTC)

...and what were the other 9 songs?

I actually prefer Dolly Parton's original version of "I Will Always Love You," or at least I did before Whitney died in the tub.
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